Love Yourself

We are talking about the truth according to the world. The world teaches things that are almost true. They sound good and seem right, but they often lead down a path off destruction and death. Last week we talked about one of the biggest lies that the adversary uses to trap us and keep us separated from God. The lie that there is no absolute truth. “Your truth” defines your reality. “Your truth” sounds good and seems right, but just because you believe something doesn’t make it true.

If we were walking around in a neighborhood of almost truths that sound good, the next door neighbor to “your truth” is the lie that you need to love yourself. Today we are going to look at how that is almost true, but it just misses the mark. Just enough to sound good and seem right, yet still be destructive.

Pray

Imagine that you are in Walmart and it is busy. It was no easy task to make your way to the back where they keep the milk. If you have ever been to the milk section in Walmart, you know that there are approximately five or six hundred different kinds of milk. Whole, skim, 1%, 2%, plant-based, lactose-free, Vegan, Non-GMO, cow’s milk, goat, oat, rice, soy, coconut, almond, cashew, and on and on. When you find the one you are looking for you realize that there is only one remaining. As you reach for it you realize that the person next to you is eyeing the same jug. What do you do?

In this example many of you would probably hand it to the other person, but maybe there is another circumstance in your life where you would be less giving. There is a story of a little boy and his younger sister who were riding a hobby horse together. Finally, the boy says, “If one of us would just get off this hobby horse, there would be more room for me.”

Putting ourselves first is one of the most natural things we do.

If we took a group photo and I put it on the screen, where will you look first? Probably yourself! Let’s say its a bad picture. One person turned to look at something on the wall, someone else blinked, a girl’s hair is in her face, but you actually look really good in the picture. What is your opinion of the photo going to be? “Wow, that’s a good photo!”

The world encourages this kind of thinking. The world encourages my self-obsession. “Do what’s best for me. I deserve my ‘me-time’. My needs come first. Focus on myself right now!” Yet God’s word says…

Philippians 2:3–4 (NIV)

3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

God’s word says “do nothing out of selfish motives,” but our culture preaches the exact opposite. “Do what sounds good, what makes you happy, what feels true.” It’s almost true, but it’s not.

The world says you can’t truly love others until you love yourself. So what do you have to do? Treat yo-self! You deserve it. Self-care is not selfish because you can’t pour from an empty cup. Live for yourself, you don’t need to justify your actions to anyone. In fact, if someone doesn’t add value to your life, cut them out! Don’t feel guilty because you come first!

It’s heartbreaking because we are consistently becoming a generation that is obsessed with ourselves. Paul said it this way to Timothy…

2 Timothy 3:1–5 (NIV)

1 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud… 4 lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—5 having a form of godliness but denying its power…

I’ve never been much into pictures. In fact, one of my favorite jokes is one Jim Gaffigan told. He said that it’s crazy how many pictures people take today. He has more pictures of his kids than his parents ever even looked at him.

That’s an old joke now, because now people are more likely to have more selfies of themselves than they are to have pictures of their kids. Paul says those people are lovers of themselves. When I think about my own life, specifically the areas where I tend to be selfish, it can be unsettling to realize that I love myself. To see the ways I can be obsessed with self.

If we are not careful those areas can grow and cause us to serve a self-centered Christianity. We know we are created to serve God, but we often live as if God exists to serve us. We believe in God, but it can become a self-centered belief where we claim to love God but actually love ourselves. As Paul said, a form of godliness but denying its power.

We are a generation obsessed with self-care, prioritizing ourselves, guarding my me-time, doing what’s best for me. What is really mind blowing to think about is that our culture preaches self-care, yet as a culture we are more anxious, more stressed, and more depressed.

Maybe our problem isn’t that we don’t love ourselves enough.

Maybe it’s that we love ourselves too much.

All we really need to do is look to the words of Jesus. When asked what is the greatest command, Jesus said…

Mark 12:30–31 (ESV)

30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

First love God with all of your heart. Second, love your neighbor. How? As you love yourself. Some conclude Jesus is commanding you to love yourself. After all, you can’t love others until you love yourself, so focus on self. Jesus didn’t tell you to love yourself. Why?

Loving yourself is not a command; it’s an assumption.

We already love ourselves. A lot! Jesus doesn’t have to tell me to love my self because I do it naturally. The assumption is that I am already prioritizing myself, therefore I should love my neighbor as I am loving myself. I should deny my self so that I can invest that effort into my neighbor.

Think about Jesus’ criteria to be one of His disciples. What did Jesus say you must do if you want to be one of His disciples? He DIDN’T say, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must pamper himself. They must put themselves first. They must live for self.”

When Jesus explained the criteria for His disciples He had just finished telling them that He must go to Jerusalem and suffer horribly. After that He would die and then be raised to life in three days. Peter said “No Way!” When Peter allowed some of this self love to creep in, Jesus called him Satan! Then He said this…

Matthew 16:24 (NLT)

24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me.

Today as Christ followers we read that casually. But when Jesus said, “Deny yourself and take up your cross,” the disciples probably froze in their tracks with their jaws wide open. The reason that what Jesus said could have been so shocking is because the disciples would have had a strong awareness of what Jesus was referring to. Less than 30 years earlier Jews revolted against the Roman government during the census. It was one of the most bloody uprisings in Jewish history and is briefly mentioned in Acts 5:37.

Sadly, hundreds of the Jews that revolted were slaughtered and the remaining people were captured. This is where the phrase became famous because the Roman soldiers told the captives to “Take up your cross.” These Jewish people had to take up their cross, drag it across the city street in front of other Jewish people, and then the Roman soldier would say, “Lay it down.” Wherever they’d lay it down they would crucify publicly. Hanging naked before their fellow Jews as to say, “If you ever come against Rome again, this is what is going to happen to you.”

What is worse is that the Roman government wouldn’t allow the soldiers to take down the bodies. So the Jews saw their relatives hanging on the cross as their bodies were rotting. Historians tell us they left them there for years. Some scholars say it is very possible that when Jesus said, “You must deny yourself and take up your cross,” He was probably near the exact spot where some of the disciples relatives were likely crucified on a cross.

This would have been a very powerful moment for the disciples. Jesus said, “Listen, if you want to follow me you don’t put yourselves first. You must deny yourselves and take up your cross and follow me.” To take up your cross means that you are going to die to yourself. Paul said it this way…

Galatians 2:20 ESV

20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Take up your cross, be crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live. Life isn’t about me, my wants, my wishes, my will. I am dead to sin. Dead to myself. Dead to my desires. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. When the selfish side rises up say, “Self! You died! I don’t listen to dead men. Only Christ who is alive in me.”

Jesus teaches us that we must die to our desires and our wants because the most important thing is to love God and love others.

In what area of your life are you loving yourself more than loving God and loving others?

What is God calling you to do about it?

For me, God has been working on this one for quite a while. I have a few selfish areas, but one is my time. When something messes up my schedule it ruffles my feathers. Especially when I am very busy, like I have been the last couple of years. God has really been working with me on embracing interruptions. God has been helping me learn how to bookmark things that I am doing. To put them down immediately, have patience, and come back to them later.

Instead of looking at unexpected events as interruptions, I am learning to look at them as opportunities. Instead of them being interruptions of my time, they are injections of joy. Opportunities to serve, to listen, to pray. At the end of the day, the most important thing I do isn’t what I have accomplished, but how I love. I am learning to realize that it would be more important for people to remember me for being loving than for accomplishing something or producing a lot of something.

Jesus Didn’t Call Us To…

Promote ourselves, but to humble ourselves.

Pamper ourselves, but to deny ourselves.

Serve ourselves, but to serve others.

Put ourselves first, but to put ourselves last.

Seek our pleasure, but to pursue God’s purpose.

The calling for those who follow Jesus is not one of self-love, self-affirmation, self-justification, but His calling is one of self-denial. That doesn’t mean that we don’t take care of ourselves or take time for ourselves. Jesus wasn’t teaching that you should never take a nap, play a game, or enjoy a sweet treat. It comes down to motive. That is why what the world teaches is “Almost True.”

If the motive of self-care is only for yourself then you are being selfish. If the motive of self-care is to be mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy so that you can LOVE GOD and LOVE OTHERS, then self-care isn’t selfish.

If you are caught in this cycle of misery, depression, and anxiety, and you have been prioritizing self but it isn’t getting any better, then the problem may not be that you aren’t giving yourself enough love. Our problem isn’t that we don’t love ourselves enough. Our problem is that we love ourselves too much.

As a culture, it is time to realize that you can’t “love yourself” into lasting happiness, you can’t self-care your way to meaningful relationships, daily purpose, and inner peace. Self-love is ALWAYS about SELF! Self-love will never fill you like God’s love! God’s love calls me to deny myself, die to myself, and follow Jesus. Love the Lord and love my neighbor.

What is love? This passage is worth pondering, so let’s close with it. As we read it I want to challenge all of us to shine this verse on our lives. In what area of your life are you loving yourself more than loving God and loving others? What is God calling you to do about it? Let’s read this verse then close in prayer.

1 Corinthians 13:4–8 NLT

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!

Pray